Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
