Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
