I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
