Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We're facebook friends in real life
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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