he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
