So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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