I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
