her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i think i just lost a toe
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
