don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
