I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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