yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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