Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
