it was like his penis was on wheels.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
