If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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