I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
