i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
