btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
