i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I wish there were birth control emojis
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
