I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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