I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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