Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
