it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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