Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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