My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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