Pappa wants mamma naked
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
