I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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