i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
