So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
