No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
