making cat noises will not fix the situation.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
