i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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