We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
