There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
