You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
