Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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