Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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