I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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