I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
