I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
