I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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