Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
