I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
