There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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