all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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