the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i dont even know how to be here
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
