i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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