I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
