Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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