the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
