Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can't turn off my feet"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
